Such a weird title indeed.
Do you think of yourself as a competitive person?
Because I do.
I don’t really like it when someone I know can do things I cannot. Especially when I know that he or she started from the same point as me. My heart will get really hot and I honestly don’t like that feeling too.
I always believed that I am capable. I can always do whatever things I have in hands if I really put my minds to do it. Maybe acknowledging that some people have more talents on certain things than me is harder than I thought it would be. I feel really bad about myself whenever I get jealous of others’ success, especially when they are actually the people I should be happy for.
I don’t know if there’re others like me out there. But for real, I know that this is a bad trait of mine and I should have done something about it from a long time ago, but it still comes even without me realising it.
Hovever, last week I went to a Christian gathering and the topic of the discussion was about sharing your happiness and blessings with others. I was really struck by the concept because I actually knew that but when I heard it being said to me verbally, it felt like a hard slap on my face.
Maybe it’s because I am used to being an individual with no one to share MY things with. I feel like if I share my things, there’s a chance that they might enjoy my things more than me, or that they might wear or use them better than me. Basically, I want to win in everything. I want to be the only one enjoying things, I don’t want others to beat me even if there’s no competition of any kind.
But I guess that’s the next hurdle I need to learn to overcome before I can actually call myself an adult (and now I only have 3 months left).
I think the easiest thing I can do as my first step not to be this competitive is to accept what’s mine and acknowledge what’s others. If they have talent A and I don’t, then that should be okay because I can always learn from them. Then, I can start learning how to share with people.
Winning the internal battle to not be jealous is the one thing I should focus on.