Up to now, it has been 2 months since I first work in my family’s company after I graduated. Yes. I have been working and a looot of people who knew my age would tell me “You’re still to young to settle down in one city. You should go and explore the world some more. Go work in other big companies first, travel more, go for masters degree. Yada yada yada”

And you know what? Its not like I have not thought of going away for some time and not work right away. But then I decided  that I will take my time to choose and before I finally find the right path I want to pursue, I will do what I can to help my family’s company. And to be honest, it is not even easy to do this. I have to be responsible for so many things and I literally just realized how complicated and challenging it is to earn money.

The money I spend everyday so carelessly up until now.


Some would say “Oh! Then you should work abroad since you’d be able to earn more”. But have you thought of the living cost for living abroad? I have worked in a firm in Melbourne in my final semester and I know for a fact that although the wages are quite high, with my current experience and qualifications, that amount would not be able to cover my expenses unless I still get allowances from my parents. And I do not want that to happen. I think that even if I still can’t stand on my own two feet yet, at least by working in my hometown, I could  help them and maybe reduce their burden a little since living in Melbourne is definitely not cheap.

But then, being a Melbourne graduate has its own perks. Well maybe not exactly perks because people expects you to be a really smart and ambitious person who will do great things within a very short amount of time. I believe I will too eventually. But I think these expectations have become more and more unrealistic as I spend more time here. People seem to be waiting for some kind of a revolutionary breakthrough from me within 2 months. And I am telling you now, that as an ESFJ, it is very very hard for me to feel like I am disappointing everybody every day. It feels like I am not fulfilling their dreams or something though I know that it is not entirely my fault.

Because I don’t know, maybe it is actually quite natural to happen especially when it comes from my parents who have spent so much energy, money and thoughts on me over these years. I just wished that they could understand that I need some time to adjust and learn about the professional life a little bit more before I could ‘change the world’. I need to know the rule first before I could excel in it. I would need their guidance and support. But I guess right now I just need to learn faster and figure out what I need to do in order to get to my goals.

Wish me luck! 🙂



Hello guys!

I feel like it’s been a while since I actually rant about stuff.

In this post, I would like to talk about music. Yep. On my final year in Uni, I took Music Psychology as my breadth subject. It basically taught us the role of music in our lives, and the one interesting fact I always remember (alongside with some other random trivia about music) is that apparently certain tunes can cue our brain to recall specific memory.

At first, I was quite skeptical with this finding because I thought we remember things because we WANT to. I mean, does thoughts really come and go automatically like that?

Several days after that, I was walking down the street while listening to my ‘Old songs’ playlist (which I made like 6 years ago and never listened to). Then somehow I started to remember the people who are somehow ‘related’ with those songs.

For example, when I listened to the song ‘When I need you’ by Rod Stewart, I immediately remembered the family trip we had when I was a kid, because we used to listen to Stewart’s album over and over again throughout the 5-hour journey. Then there’s ‘Bloom’ by Paper Kites that reminds me of the guy I now despise so much. This thing happened with the other songs I listened to that day and I just realized that somehow in my mind, everyone who are (or had been) dear to me has their own soundtrack.  Listening tho those ‘key’ songs does not always bring back good memories, but sometimes the bad ones too.


From this realization, I learned that whether it’s a good or bad memory, each of them had shaped me into becoming the person that I am today. So I figure, a little reminder of these memories from every now and then might be good for me. To help me realize that I should just accept and be grateful for each memory so that I can keep on improving myself.

Cheers! 🙂

Dilan 1990 HAHA


Buku ini bercerita tentang kisah cinta dua anak SMA, Milea dan Dilan dari sisi sudut pandang Milea. Dimulai dari awal mereka bertemu sampai akhirnya jadian.

  • Review:

First off, ini aku baca bukunya habis nonton trailernya di youtube. Kesan pertamanya cringe banget soalnya gombalnya luar biasa corny and mushy, ga nahan banget especially karena udah nggak ada lagi orang yang ngomong kayak gitu. Akhirnya karena nggak tahan, aku download PDF file nya lalu baca aja sih. And you know what, I finished the book in 2 hours and honestly I really enjoyed it. Dan ternyata bagusnya buku ini malah karena kejayusan dan gombal-gombalnya si Dilan. Emang sih, pas baca kayak jijik gitu ngebayangin ada cowok yang ngomong kayak dia. But I couldn’t help smiling loh.

Ceritanya super enteng dan nggak terlalu belibet. Mainly about how Milea deals with her feelings towards Dilan yang selalu aneh-aneh aja cara ngedeketinnya. The one thing that amuses me adalah gimana si Dilan ini selalu menemukan cara lain yang lebih practical untuk menunjukkan kalau dia suka ama si Milea. Sungguh, itu aneh tapi lucu banget, atau mungkin karena aku jayus makanya suka lol. It’s interesting how the two main characters di novel ini enggak pernah sembunyi-sembunyiin perasaan mereka, makanya jadi nggak nyebelin. I guess thats because most books I read these days banyak ‘scheming’ nya gitu. Semua berusaha kelihatan tough dan jaim. Pokoknya kebalikan dari buku ini. Anyway, kalau aku jelasin lebih banyak dari ini, nanti nggak seru sih. HAHAHA.

If you’re looking for a light-themed book to start off 2018, I would recommend this book. Nanti kalau udah selesai bacanya, go ahead and watch the movie! Personally they did a great job in adapting the novel into movie. Nilainya 8 deh. 🙂


Stale Conversation

Seriously, what do couples talk about when they’re dating?

As you may know, I am an avid talker (is that even a thing?). But yeah, I love talking and having conversations with people. I won’t mind exchanging words about something so mundane like the colour of the sky or even the weirdest ideas you have ever thought of; but I also wouldn’t mind talking about some deepshit stuff like why abortion should be legal or why cloning may sound plausible.

Anyways, I have always thought that my knowledge over the general things in life is enough to help me start and maintain conversations with people around me.

But recently, I talked to one of my best friends who just started ‘dating’ a guy she has been interested in for some times. She told me that after 2-3 months of intensive texting and calling, eventually they ran out of topics to talk about and that just depletes her initial respect to this guy as the time goes.

Then, I thought to myself what would I do if the same situation happen to me? Will ‘love’ be enough to maintain a relationship? I know that couples could flirt all they want especially in the beginning of the relationship, however I think you can’t just flirt your way through life can you? Eventually they need to start talking about a more reasonable topics such as their future, jobs, plans, etc.

I just simply can’t imagine a situation where I have absolutely NOTHING to talk about with someone. Things would be so awkward and wouldn’t this situation signifies that this couple doesn’t even have any similarities, plans or even future together? Moreover, I think I have said this to one of my closest friends, but my biggest fear is to have someone telling me that he/she is bored hanging out with me. I seriously wouldn’t know what I’ll do if that happens.

I just realised how PARAMOUNT it is to make sure that your significant other has the same overall goal and dream with you. Because if your vision about life does not align, I believe that there would eventually be nothing left for you to discuss as you date. Or maybe there is, but it wouldn’t be as enjoyable or stimulating as it would if you are working together on the same goal. The communication should not be just physical and empty, but it should be rich and exciting.


And you know what,  with every epiphany I have about life and relationship, the longer my SO-criteria gets. I don’t think this is good as I believe I would have more of these as I get older. I’m just hoping that someone right would come along before I get too idealistic with my own mindset.

Cheers! 🙂

Thankful for 2017

Here are the 15 things I am truly grateful for in 2017. I’m listing them just to remind myself that at the end of the day, things happened for some reasons and I can always learn something from those experiences.

  1. To attend Adele’s concert. Like I mean, legit BEST.
  2. Met new friends, got to work together in PPIA Victoria and 12th IFF throughout the year.
  3. Finished my Bachelor’s Degree in Environments 🙂
  4. Got the chance to create an illustrative architecture project for my final semester based on psychological developments
  5. To watch a Moonlight Cinema of Beauty and the Beast YAY!
  6. Managed to resist my urge to get a tattoo and settled for 3 new piercings in my ears.
  7. Visited Perth with my family on my birthday this year.
  8. Tried and learned new things this year, finally understands why things are the way they are.
  9. Got an architecture internship in Melbourne, got to learn and earn some money from the company too.
  10. To start my stationery company, FOMO with one of my best friends which hopefully will keep growing and thriving even more next year.
  11. Learned so many new softwares including Illustrator and it changed my world. HAHA.
  12. Finally tested my alcohol intake limit and now I understand when to stop drinking before I pass out.
  13. Attended a Ballet Performance on Alice in Wonderland and I had the longest eyegasm of all time.
  14. Finished a 10km marathon within an hour after 2 months of training.
  15. To have such a supportive group of friends and family here and there. ❤

I’m looking forward to embark on the new journey in 2018.

See you all next year! 🙂

High Tolerance

I have been known as one of the people who has high pain tolerance.

When someone asks me if I think something is painful, my answer would usually be ‘not really’ although others who went on the same thing would say otherwise. Hence, it’s been a common knowledge among my family and friends that my words on certain things like pain are simply unreliable.

Now that I think about it, I just realised that maybe that’s just the way my brain works. It is somehow wired to compare every bad things or experiences with ‘what could have been worse’. And that is also why I rarely cry in general.

A few days ago, I finally made a promise to myself to let go of the guy I have been talking about a couple posts ago. When I look back, I just realise how this high pain tolerance of mine actually applies to my emotion too. That is why no matter how many times this guy had disappointed and left me, I would always give him second, third and fourth chances.

My brain somehow thinks that there’s always a possibility that this guy will change and that this time he will not leave me. But then again, it’s been the fifth time and I finally accept  the fact that I am partly at fault here as I am the dumb person who’s always been there to accept him when he needs a rebound regardless of his continuous lies.

The pain caused by this repetitive cycle is not only because he makes me feel like I am inadequate, but also unworthy to accept love. I hate this feeling and it is indeed my fault to let anyone make me feel like this.

So, what I’m trying to say is that although having a high pain tolerance may sounds great as it makes you look tough and everything, sometimes it is okay to show your weakness and admit that you are hurt. I learned that it is okay to stop ‘bearing’ and say enough is enough when it is needed. Because second chances should be hard-earned and only be given to those who really deserve them.

May this be my very last post about this guy.

See you Mr. Pig.


In Love With The Housemate


In this post, I’m going to write a review about the kdrama I just finished, ‘Because This Is My First Life‘.

First off, I’m gonna say that I LOVE this series. It’s so light and fluffy but relatable and plausible at the same time. What I love most about this series is the fact that the writer did not add any unnecessary dramas to the story although I believe they could’ve done that if they wanted. HAHAHA.

OH! And the character development throughout the 16 episodes is just wonderful and palpable.


So basically, the story is about a girl who has grown tired of living with her family as she’s always been undermined and mistreated as she grew, and a guy who had a painful past which made him decide to invest all of his money to buy a house he can’t afford, making him a ‘house poor’. These two people managed to arrange a deal where the girl finally got a home and the guy earned his rent fee to finish his loan for the house. However, because it doesn’t seem right for a guy and a girl to simply live together without having certain relationship, they decided to get married under a contract.

Oh and as usual, the romance starts to bud and flourish. I really enjoyed how they managed to preserve the strict and expressionless character of Se Hee (the guy) from the beginning to the end which adds a sprinkle of humour to the otherwise quite frustrating character. Even the side characters who are Ji Ho’s (the girl) best friends were all so well written and thoroughly thought of.

However, I think what makes this series really good is how they frame the conflict in a way that we could understand the struggle of each character in defining their relationships. I mean, there’s one with the parents, one with the 7-year boyfriend, the crush and one with the husband.

Oh my. I just can’t elaborate further than this piece as you guys really need to start watching this series to understand! HAHAH.

Cheers! 🙂

A Game Plan

Recently, I have been struggling with myself to stop investing so much time thinking about this one guy whom I know will not be my end game.

I honestly do not know if I will ever be able to stop before I find someone new. Nonetheless, I am writing this post to remind and reason with myself to wake up from this illusion of ‘love’.

The other day, I watched this video by Domics (a youtuber whose animation videos are always so hilarious, expressive and somewhat relatable) about the signs of toxic relationships and why people should be aware of this and just end it once they know it is not a healthy one.


My relationship with this guy is not even official, but we have been pulling and pushing for several years. Like I mean, isn’t that fact alone enough to categorise whatever this is as not simply a fling? Although I would not deny my attraction to him, the fact that I live far away from him actually helps me contain all my weird thoughts and feelings. There are times when we would talk to each other everyday, almost every minute, but then he would usually vanish without any news at all for several months before coming back just like nothing had happened.

I just hate the fact that I always end up being the one who hurts the most, missing him more than I should although he was the one who started it. Isn’t he supposed to be the one who suffer more? HAHA petty I know. This cycle has repeated itself for so many times that I actually want to prepare myself this time now that I know the pattern.

If you have ever experienced this, ask this set of questions to yourself whenever you find your heart starting to catch feelings for this unreliable human being.

  1. Can you see yourself being with this person in the future? Does his plans, core values and principles align with yours? Or at least can you see yourself being part of the future he envisioned?
  2. Are you willing to introduce him to your friends and family? Are you confident enough to tell them that he would be the one whom you’d spend your future with?
  3. Lastly, do you like yourself when you’re around him?

Reminding myself of these points always bring my feet back to the ground. Although it is hard to detach myself from this ‘habit’, I always try to remember that I should respect myself more and that I deserve someone who would invest in me as much as I am willing to invest to someone that I love. Definitely not an easy task to do especially for someone like me who can easily misinterpret awe into love. HAHAHA.

Sorry for the long rant and blabbering, I wrote this post mainly just for me, but if you find this to be relatable to you I would be glad to hear all about it.

Cheers! 🙂

i like you

I like you.

I guess I like you a lot.

My mind keeps saying no, my mouth keeps forming sentences to convince me how incompatible we would be as a pair, but my heart keeps pulling me back to you.

I have tried so hard to stay away from you and your charm, but one word from you always shakes the wall that I have been trying hard to build over the years.

You come and go just like that; going away when there’s another girl and you conveniently come find me when she’s gone.

What am I to you? Probably just some kind of a cushion of comfort with whom you can get all the perks of having a girlfriend without having to commit to its title.

My friends who know me well would know how far off you are from what I imagined my future companion would be. Even my objective side would second that. But I just cannot seem to manage to say no to your invitations for some ice cream or late night strolls.

I would try to justify my choice by saying that I am just entertaining myself by fooling around with you although I know myself too well to realise how ridiculous that thought sounds. I know for sure that I will be deeply attached to you in no time, and my heart will break for the umpteenth time when you find another girl.

But oh well, what is life without a few drops of tears.


I’m gonna be a better parent than my mom and/or dad.

Most of us (if not all) must have had thought about this sentence before. For me, I frequently catch myself thinking this when I’m in the middle of an argument with my parents or when I saw them doing certain things that I don’t quite approve of. I don’t know, sometimes I feel so snobbish to think that I can do things better than my parents. But it is true that there are certain things that I think I would not do if I were in their position. My thought and optimism to be a ‘better’ parent someday has not been budged until recently.

This semester, I have been learning about the concepts of childhood as my university breadth subject. It taught me that the way we conceptualize children hugely affects the way we interact and treat them. I was not aware of this fact until I was exposed to these different concepts such as children as innocent beings, evil beings, as agents, and so many other things. Such a random subject to take, I know. But surprisingly I learned so much from this subject especially as it forced me to look back to how I was brought up and how my own childhood had been.

And to be honest, I just realized that I could not ask for a better childhood.

Maybe for some people my childhood might seems to be exactly the same to that of a typical mundane Asian kid. However, now that I know how complex of a matter it is to bring up a kid and how different things we do might affect major things in their growth or even the way they perceive themselves, I couldn’t help but to feel extremely thankful to my parents for treating me in such ways that I grow up well without having any major problems.

I remembered how my parents had let me explore all my interests, encouraged me to join various extracurricular classes like piano, guitar, bass, clay-making, drawing, cooking, sewing, and so many other things that I might have forgotten some of them. They taught me so much about how to be a good and functional person both from their words and their actions. And of course, one of the fundamental things they managed to give me that actually shaped the way I am today is the lesson of love. I know it is cliche, but that truly is the one thing I am eternally grateful for from growing up as their kid. Living in this world which is full of demands and expectations is hard especially when you have tried your best and you realized sometimes you’re still not good enough. Ever since I was a kid, my parents never actually pushed me to be number one or anything. They just wanted me to do my best. And when I came home failing, they are still there to hug and accept me.

This realization of how there are so many kids out there who had to grow up without this kind of safe haven forced me to rethink the way I see my parents. Probably the issue here is how I kept on focusing on their faults instead of the things they did right. Or maybe, this is all just a trick done by my brain and the memories I looked back to have all been modified and romanticized that I think of my childhood as the best one although maybe at that time I was not thinking of it this way. I don’t know. I feel like from joining this class I get to reflect on my childhood, how I have taken some things in my life for granted and how not ready I am to have my own kids. HAHAHA.


Cheers! 🙂