Romanticized

I’m gonna be a better parent than my mom and/or dad.

Most of us (if not all) must have had thought about this sentence before. For me, I frequently catch myself thinking this when I’m in the middle of an argument with my parents or when I saw them doing certain things that I don’t quite approve of. I don’t know, sometimes I feel so snobbish to think that I can do things better than my parents. But it is true that there are certain things that I think I would not do if I were in their position. My thought and optimism to be a ‘better’ parent someday has not been budged until recently.

This semester, I have been learning about the concepts of childhood as my university breadth subject. It taught me that the way we conceptualize children hugely affects the way we interact and treat them. I was not aware of this fact until I was exposed to these different concepts such as children as innocent beings, evil beings, as agents, and so many other things. Such a random subject to take, I know. But surprisingly I learned so much from this subject especially as it forced me to look back to how I was brought up and how my own childhood had been.

And to be honest, I just realized that I could not ask for a better childhood.

Maybe for some people my childhood might seems to be exactly the same to that of a typical mundane Asian kid. However, now that I know how complex of a matter it is to bring up a kid and how different things we do might affect major things in their growth or even the way they perceive themselves, I couldn’t help but to feel extremely thankful to my parents for treating me in such ways that I grow up well without having any major problems.

I remembered how my parents had let me explore all my interests, encouraged me to join various extracurricular classes like piano, guitar, bass, clay-making, drawing, cooking, sewing, and so many other things that I might have forgotten some of them. They taught me so much about how to be a good and functional person both from their words and their actions. And of course, one of the fundamental things they managed to give me that actually shaped the way I am today is the lesson of love. I know it is cliche, but that truly is the one thing I am eternally grateful for from growing up as their kid. Living in this world which is full of demands and expectations is hard especially when you have tried your best and you realized sometimes you’re still not good enough. Ever since I was a kid, my parents never actually pushed me to be number one or anything. They just wanted me to do my best. And when I came home failing, they are still there to hug and accept me.

This realization of how there are so many kids out there who had to grow up without this kind of safe haven forced me to rethink the way I see my parents. Probably the issue here is how I kept on focusing on their faults instead of the things they did right. Or maybe, this is all just a trick done by my brain and the memories I looked back to have all been modified and romanticized that I think of my childhood as the best one although maybe at that time I was not thinking of it this way. I don’t know. I feel like from joining this class I get to reflect on my childhood, how I have taken some things in my life for granted and how not ready I am to have my own kids. HAHAHA.

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Cheers! 🙂

Keep Going!

These two words are written in my lock screen these days.

One of my tutors once said that your phone wallpaper represents the things that inspire you the most and I think lately I just need a reminder that I have to keep going.

Keep going to lectures, keep making models, keep writing essays, keep trying to smile and be positive, keep trying to stick to the schedule I made, keep trying to live healthier, etc etc.

Throughout my journey in University so far, I know now that within a semester, week 9 and 10 are the humps – just like Wednesdays. Exam period is around the corner, deadlines start to haunt you, final projects are coming and it is extremely easy to get lost and stressed during this period. I even bought myself a book about positive psychology a few weeks ago just to help me find some ways to elevate my constantly down mood.

And now I want to share the 3 interventions I learned that had been working on me (most of the time). Well because some bad days are just bad. HAHAHA.

  1. Exercise
    • I just don’t know why, but exercising really helps me erase my bad thoughts. It’s just amazing how I could go down to the gym complaining, and finish happily. Well maybe not HAPPY but at least I feel refreshed. Just spend at least 30 minutes walking or running, and you’ll feel better. This also works even when you’re having your PMS or ‘.’!
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  2. Write 3 things you are grateful for that day
    • I am struggling in disciplining myself to do this everyday. Because sometimes you just forget or too tired to even take your cellphone that lies all the way there when you’re already snuggling with your pillow. But doing this really does make me feel better, because we are too accustomed to find ‘what went wrong’ instead of being grateful for the things that actually ‘went right’. So, doing this exercise would definitely train our brains to shift the focus: from only seeing the bad to finding blessings in everything.
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  3. Watch your favorite video or series
    • For me, this would be Gilmore Girls. I have been absolutely addicted to this series. I have re-watched the last three seasons of this series for about 4-5 times now (and this number is growing fast) just because I love watching Logan Huntzberger (Yes. I adore this character a little bit too much that I slowly memorize each and every one of his line). Watching Logan after a long day at Uni definitely help me take my mind off of the things I’m stressed at. Hence, I think you should always spare 1-2 hours doing the things that makes you happy everyday (including watching GG over and over again HAHAH).
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I’m not saying that I always know what to do when I’m stressed or anything, I’m writing this post just to let you know that if you feel the same way that I do, you are not alone. I experience that too sometimes and these are the things I do that usually help me cope with my thoughts and anxiety. Because sometimes you just need a break.

However, don’t forget that doing these things will not finish your job. You still have to do them eventually.

In addition to this, there is one verse from the Bible that speaks to me these days, that is from Matthew 6:34.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

May all of us be strengthen in facing our worries.

Cheers! 🙂

 

 

Why are You Single?

This is an essay, a thorough explanation about my view about love and romantic relationships. I did not write this for anyone but myself, to help me reflect and actually understand what I’m actually looking for in a relationship.

Everytime I go back to my hometown during summer holiday or winter breaks, some of my relatives will regularly ask me about whether or not I have a boyfriend. I’m not sure what answer they’re actually waiting for me to say and what they’re gonna do about either of the answers, but I always say no (well at least until now). Then, the question ‘Why?’ always follows my answer. Most of the time, I’d answer with jokes such as: ‘Ah yeah, my boyfriend is too busy being an actor in South Korea, we’ve been in a long distance relationship’ or maybe some other silly answers which implies that I just don’t have a boyfriend for whatever reason it is.

But to be honest, it’s not like I don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s just that I haven’t found the one. Of course, everytime I say that cliche sentence, people would say ‘Oh my, don’t be so picky laa’. And this is the part where most people misunderstand. How can I be picky when there’s literally nothing to be picked? 

Some people think that it is okay to try being in any kind of relationship just to have some ‘experience’. Is that what people are actually expecting from me? To be ‘less picky’ and just date whoever shows any kind of attraction to my relatively unusual self?

Those concepts are hard for me to grasp because I have always had all these preconceptions about how I’m going to live my life. I’m not too sure if I got them from my parents or from listening to what my society thinks as the ‘right’ pathway in life, but I slowly regard them as goals and I will try to elaborate them as concise as I can.

Firstly, I frankly think that if two individuals have committed to be in a relationship, they should fight for it and strive to make it work. I’m not sure how other people can actually start a relationship regardless of the fact that it may never work out. Some may think that all those big hurdles are ‘testing’ their love, but for me it is not like that. I have always believed that if two people were meant to be, everything (like literally) will fall into its place perfectly, as if the universe too were giving its approval to your union. You should not have to work that hard for something that’s meant to be. That’s why it is called ‘meant to be’ and not ‘forced to be’. Plus, I think having more ‘experience’ being in a relationship does not always mean that you’ll find a better match. So please, if you want me to be happy, pray for me instead of judging my relationship status and decisions.

Secondly, I don’t really have time. I’m the type of girl who goes all-in in a relationship. I don’t do ‘knee-deep’. It’s either diving or I’m on the shore. Hence the idea of having to nurture a relationship while maintaining the required focus to graduate architecture school is already challenging for me. Sometimes I even think that maybe this ‘arrangement’ that I’m living in is a blessing from God so that I have my priorities in the right order although I won’t deny that sometimes it does get a little lonely especially when you’re so stressed with school and basically everything that you start longing for a partner (other than your bestfriends) to be there for you.

Lastly, I find it harder for me to see future with the guys in my circle at this very moment. Most of them are of my age and we don’t really think about future and all those stuff yet. Maybe this may sound weird to some of you, but whenever I’m attracted to a guy, I will definitely try picturing a life with him in the future. So scary right? But I will not deny it. And to be honest, I rarely find guys of my age (especially in my current friendship scoop) with the clear vision and ambition that I would love to see in a man whom I might spend 3/4 of my life with. And no, it’s not because I set to high of an expectation for a guy. Because although I watch a whole lot of chick flicks and romantic TV series, I know that all those lovey dovey things I enjoy watching are not realistic. Moreover, at least now I can clearly distinguish the realistic kind of love and the Movie-inspired ones. I never expect my future partner to be or do anything resembling things depicted in movies. I’m only looking for a friend who is willing to walk beside me and who is willing to grow and thrive together with me in all aspects of life. 

So, maybe these are some honest points on why I’m not in a relationship right at the moment. Hahahhaha. Sorry for the long post, I’m just spilling out my thoughts.

Cheers! 🙂

Goblin! It’s Goblin!

Let me just say this in the beginning.

GOBLIN ROCKS!

Today happens to be the day when they released the last two episodes and I watched them all un-subbed, 30 minutes after their release in Korea (that’s how obsessed I am). If you haven’t watched them, I’m telling you that it’s GREAT!

I don’t know how to express this feeling I’m experiencing right now.

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I mean, I know this drama has received so much hype since their very first episode. But since the Descendants of The Sun, I have become more and more skeptical of this writer whom everybody claims as the best kdama writer ever. Because I found (roughly) 3/5 of her dramas to be really weird (as in a bad way) regardless of their exceptional casts.

But then, there’s Goblin.

I love them all.

I love the casts, I love the way they took the shoots (all oh-so-instagram-able), and of course, I love the intricate plot (like seriously, so complicated that I even had to make my own theories throughout the series). There are some episodes where they take you on an emotional roller coaster ride, that even my brother shook his head.

Up to the 13th episode, I was all doubtful of whether or not they can pull off a great ending to this extreme story line. And I was so thankful that they managed to put a bow in the show. Love. Love it.

So, this series is about a cursed goblin who needs to find his bride in order to end his eternal life. He’s lived for 900 years and finally, he found the bride and that’s where the story begins. And there’s also the second couple story line, which is very tragic. What’s more to this is how all of them are related so closely to each other from both their current and past lives.  OH! And don’t forget the uber cute bromance of the male leads! Omg. Yasssss.

Although the overarching theme of this series is quite depressing and sad (seriously, tears everywhere until the last episode), I would still strongly recommend you all to watch this! However, you should be prepared for the surprises and shock while watching them.

Just watch it! 🙂

2017!

Oh my. It’s 2017!

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This is my first post this year and I would like to use it to revisit my 2016 resolutions and share with you guys my new ones.

7b6e49d4619dbe547ee6feb85ea224e3As for my 2016 resolutions, I think I did not do that well on the first goal I made for myself, which is to take care of my body. I tried so hard to control my appetite and do as much exercise as I could possibly fit in to my schedule throughout the year. However, maybe I did not quite succeed because at the back of my mind I always think that as long as I can still wear my old clothes, then it means I’m still on track. WHICH IS NOT TRUE AHAHHA.

Anyway, for the other two resolutions, I think I did alright. I joined several organizations last year where I met new people and ergo, managed to socialize more than I did on 2015. WOOHOO! I also did my best to not really think about what others perceive about me although this particular resolution is harder for me to evaluate.

2016 had been a really challenging year for me.

I was so pumped in the first half of the year that I felt like I could overcome everything thrown at my face. But then it all went down as the summer in Melbourne comes along. I know that this may sound weird for some of you, but my mind started to think about all the plans I could make for the vacation and how I deserved some rewards for all the hard work I did from the beginning of the year. Hence, I even flunked my exam and I turned into a complaining machine that could not be satisfied with whatever she had.

No good, people. No good.

Therefore, my 3 new year’s resolutions for 2017 are the following:

  1. To try my best not to complain too much
    • Complaining about things is so easy for me. Like seriously, if I had nothing else to talk about, I could go on and on about how fat I am, how busy I am, how sleepy I am and even how I hate myself for not having motivation to do anything. HAHAHA. Horrible.
    • When I look back to what I said to people around me most of the time, I would find my memory directing me to see how restless and ungrateful I was. Thus, it is imperative for me to change this crazy bish into a more grateful and pleasant person who knows how to see the good in everything.
    • I will keep on track with this resolution by counting how many times I complain at the end of every day and think of 3 things I am grateful for afterwards, to balance out my bad energy.

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  1. To EXCEL
    • The next one is to feed off my ambitious self. As I told you guys before, I just had a major crisis on my academic life. Hence, I would rectify the situation as soon as possible by turning on my ‘No Joke’ switch throughout the year.
    • I vow to do my best academically and to achieve as high as I could this year, no matter how hard or challenging it may get for me to manage my time to study and to do my extracurricular activities (organization, ministry, health, social life, etc etc)

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  1. To be a better listener
    • I think I have shared somewhere in this blog that I am quite a talker. I talk and talk and I listen less. Usually it is because most of the time, my mind won’t just shut up even when I am with other person. My mind would wander and eventually I would end up thinking about MY problems and not whatever it is my company was telling me. So bad.
    • So, for my last resolution this year, I would definitely and consciously try my best to be in the moment whenever I’m listening to someone else’s problems or stories. Moreover, because I talk much, I know how annoying it is to not be listened to when I’m ranting. HAHAH.

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That’s it! I hope this year would be better for me and for you. 🙂

 

It Ends With Us

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  • Title: It Ends With Us
  • Author: Colleen Hoover
  • Genre: Romance
  • Rating: 4/5
  • Synopsis:

The story is about a girl (Lily Bloom) and a guy (Ryle Kincaid) who both have traumatic pasts which had become part of who they were, falling in love to each other without knowing how their personalities are somewhat contradictory to each other.

  • Review:

OMG. This book is soooo intense. Literally. We met the guy right on the first chapter where he said that he wanted to have a one night stand with the girl he just met. Like whaaaat? But I think the straight-forwardness of this book is what makes the story even more enticing. I finished this book in one seating because I could not put it down. It’s crazy. Especially because I have not been interested to read recently.

The romance part in the present and the past I got to experience in this book were exceptionally well written and interesting. Like the whole process of how Ryle tried so hard to resist the change he had since he met Lily and how she was so mesmerized by Ryle’s charm that she tried to overlook all his flaws. But still in the end, you cannot change the core of a person no matter how much you love him/her.

The best part of this book, however, is the way Hoover created the characters with such complexities that I could not blame anyone for whatever things happened in the story. It is well justified and I think that is one criteria a great book must have.

Although I understand the reasons and situations of both main characters, I still felt bad that they did not end up together. Still, the plot twist in the epilogue definitely lifted up the mood of the whole story.

Overall, I love this book and I would definitely recommend for you guys to read it in your free time! 🙂

Failure

Hey! It’s December again.

Yep. Time flies so fast I cannot believe it’s the end of 2016 already.

Anyways, I just recently received my uni results this week and I’ve been devastated ever since.

I am a definite Type A girl. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, I have found a link where you can read all about this type for yourself. What this basically means is that I am a very competitive and self critical person (you can ask anyone who knows me well about this and they will confirm it for you). I will not stop until I reach my goals and I don’t even mind pushing others to be able to hit the bulls eye.

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I have been this person since I was in Elementary school and I’ve got so many good things out of being me. I got good grades, I always get what I want and I never regret whatever things I did knowing that my past-self must have done her best to achieve them.

But I also realized along the way that sometimes even if I did not do my best, I could still get away with things. For example, I would spend my whole day watching Korean dramas during the exam week in High School and still get the perfect mark on the exam the day after. It’s wonderful, but I think my brain misunderstood this LUCK to be somewhat a DESTINY. Like I’m destined to never fail (Yeah, right).

This notion has been somehow proven to be true until this semester. On the day before my most difficult subject’s examination, I decided to NOT study although I knew that passing the exam was the hurdle of the subject (meaning that if I did not pass the exam, I’d fail no matter how high my marks were for my other assignments).

I just decided to not be ME for once and just go along leaving it all to the universe to reward my laziness.

And I did not do well.

I cried on the way home from the examination hall by myself, hating the feeling of being dumb in front of the exam paper and all. But I still believed that maybe somehow I’d pass the subject. I did not even care if my average marks would go down, as long as I don’t have to redo the subject.

But guess what? Universe did not help me this time.

I’ve never failed my whole life. My academic life is the one thing I’ve been able to take for granted all my life. Like literally. But apparently it is time for me to wake up, to realize that nothing good in this life would come to me by being lazy or doing things with just average effort. If I wanted to excel, then I can never let my guard down. Never.

Now, I have to deal with myself and my own overly-critical self who judges this failure all the time. I can’t even close my eyes to sleep without trembling in disappointment to myself, thinking of the mess I’ve made and how I had become this low quality person who was so snobbish to think that she could get away with anything.

I learned this lesson the hard way and I vowed to only do my best from then on.

I just felt so disappointed to myself for not being ME that time.

Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just my way of testing fate.

😦

The Time I Spend Alone

Lately, the idea of finding soulmates have become a recurring topic among my friends and family.

It’s crazy how we could start off talking about spaceship and ended up conversing about love and how we had turned from the naive 16 year-olds who thought getting married early was the best thing, to the skeptical 20 year-olds who doubts the importance of marriage and the existence of ‘prince charming’ in real life.

But honestly, I’m not sure if it’s because I still have several years to find my Mr. Right before my family starts making a big deal out of it or if it’s because I have lost part of my faith in the conservative idea of union, but I felt that I’m not too worried at the moment about all those things. To be fair, I do feel lonely at times, wanting someone to bring me ice cream in the middle of the night when I feel like it. But that’s only an occasional thing and not a constant feeling.

Moreover, after looking at how some of my non-single friends lead their lives with their partners, my mind started to form this understanding that maybe it is a good thing that I have several extra years of being single to get to know myself a little more.

Anyway, since I have always been interested in the study about personalities and character from when I was in Elementary School, I feel like this time that I could spend alone is perfect for me to test out the things I have discovered about myself throughout the years. About my dislikes and likes, my tendencies and strength, all of the things I have taken for granted in the past. Well, maybe I haven’t. Nonetheless, it’s different now that I have matured (a little bit) and lived away from my root for quite some time.

Here are some of the tests that had somehow affected my judgement ever since I did them, and I hope that maybe you could try doing them if you’re interested:

  1. 16 Personalities Test
  2. Love Language
  3. Character Strength
  4. Pottermore (hahaha. 🙂 its fun!)

In conclusion, I just want to share these tools to you guys to help you understand yourself a little more regardless of your relationship status. Being single is not a bad thing. maybe we’re just given an extra time to know ourselves a little more before spending the rest of our life with someone.

Cheers! 🙂

 

The Umbrella

Hello, guys!

If there’s one thing I learned from living in Melbourne for almost 2,5 years now, it is that weather forecast can (sometimes) be so unreliable.

You can literally have a sunny morning, rainy afternoon and windy evening all in one day. Sometimes it’s amusing to see how things could change that fast but most of the time it is quite annoying for me.

Ever since I was in school, my worst days would be those when I had to wait outside the gate waiting for my driver to pick me up on rainy days. My friends’ parents would show up one by one with their umbrellas saving their children from the pouring rain, while I had to wait there drenched in water and full of doubt of whether somebody would actually pick me up or not.

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Therefore, after learning about the unusual weather pattern in Melbourne and knowing how much I hate being trapped in rain, I decided to just buy myself a really big umbrella which will not flip upside down during hails and the one that’s wide enough to shelter me and my backpack (and maybe one other person). I know that having this umbrella might be tedious sometimes especially when the day turns out to be completely sunny and I end up bringing this big umbrella for nothing. However, I just love how it shelters me every time it actually rains.

Anyways, just now as I went back from my friend’s house, it started raining.

It was bad because today started off really nicely and people did not expect the rain at night. Then, when I crossed the bridge on my way to the city, I walked past through an elderly couple holding hands, making their ways to the train station without any umbrella on their hands. They walked so slowly because of their legs and I could not help but feel sorry for them being wet. So, I turned around, offer them my big umbrella and tried my best to cover them until we reached the station. They were so pleased and I felt so happy that my big umbrella actually helped others.

Then I thought to myself, I think the reason why I had this huge umbrella in the first place is not just for my advantage, but because God wants me to share it with others.

And it struck me that maybe the talents and abilities that I have are the ‘umbrellas’ that are meant to be shared with others too so that they could see how God works in their life through others too.

I realized that this mindset should be the fuel and reason for me to work hard and develop the talents God has given me to the fullest.

Regardless, I was just amazed with how simple things in life could actually means something this much for me.

🙂

Its You!

Hello peeps!

Lately, I’ve been extremely busy dealing with my never-ending school work and organization stuff. 

And you know, it gets into the point where I feel that I need more than 24 hours in a day to handle all those things. And I hate it. If you don’t know me, I’m telling you right now that I regard my sleeping time as somewhat sacred. I will never sacrifice my sleeping time for anything in this whole wide world unless there is an extremely strong reason for that to happen.

It was bearable for the first few weeks. 

But then it became too much for me that I started to complain all the time. I’d spaz to my friends of how busy and miserable my condition is, and etc etc. 

And just until last week that I decided to calm down and read a book. 

Then, as I was reading, I stumbled upon this quote by Charlotte Bronte:

“Beauty is in the eye of the gazer”

And I was like, oh wow what a pretty quote. 

But then I started to ponder upon it that I realize how relatable that quote is to my situation at the moment. 

Now that I really think about it, I know how annoying it is to listen to other people’s complaints. I hate it when my friends talk shit about their days to me. Because only they can change that situation. I can only do so much to listen and honestly, it will not do any good. I always think that I have my own problem, and I don’t really need to add any more problem (that is not even mine) to my train of thoughts. Well, I don’t really mind sharing 1-2 possible solutions that I came up with as I listen to your story. But listening to bad things all the time is tiring.

I’m slowly turning into the kind of person I hate.

That is why this quote actually speaks back to me, reminding me of how everything can be beautiful if you think it is beautful. Because even the prettiest flower won’t be able to impress a mourning heart. Therefore, if you are happy first, everything around you will complement that emotion. 

P.S.: gotta remind myself that more often and stop complaining all the time. 

I hope you guys have a great week! 🙂