I have been known as one of the people who has high pain tolerance.
When someone asks me if I think something is painful, my answer would usually be ‘not really’ although others who went on the same thing would say otherwise. Hence, it’s been a common knowledge among my family and friends that my words on certain things like pain are simply unreliable.
Now that I think about it, I just realised that maybe that’s just the way my brain works. It is somehow wired to compare every bad things or experiences with ‘what could have been worse’. And that is also why I rarely cry in general.
A few days ago, I finally made a promise to myself to let go of the guy I have been talking about a couple posts ago. When I look back, I just realise how this high pain tolerance of mine actually applies to my emotion too. That is why no matter how many times this guy had disappointed and left me, I would always give him second, third and fourth chances.
My brain somehow thinks that there’s always a possibility that this guy will change and that this time he will not leave me. But then again, it’s been the fifth time and I finally accept the fact that I am partly at fault here as I am the dumb person who’s always been there to accept him when he needs a rebound regardless of his continuous lies.
The pain caused by this repetitive cycle is not only because he makes me feel like I am inadequate, but also unworthy to accept love. I hate this feeling and it is indeed my fault to let anyone make me feel like this.
So, what I’m trying to say is that although having a high pain tolerance may sounds great as it makes you look tough and everything, sometimes it is okay to show your weakness and admit that you are hurt. That way you can see which part of the experience could make you grow into a better and stronger person.
May this be my very last post about this guy.
See you Mr. Pig.