A Game Plan

Recently, I have been struggling with myself to stop investing so much time thinking about this one guy whom I know will not be my end game.

I honestly do not know if I will ever be able to stop before I find someone new. Nonetheless, I am writing this post to remind and reason with myself to wake up from this illusion of ‘love’.

The other day, I watched this video by Domics (a youtuber whose animation videos are always so hilarious, expressive and somewhat relatable) about the signs of toxic relationships and why people should be aware of this and just end it once they know it is not a healthy one.

My relationship with this guy is not even official, but we have been pulling and pushing for several years. Like I mean, isn’t that fact alone enough to categorise whatever this is as not simply a fling? Although I would not deny my attraction to him, the fact that I live far away from him actually helps me contain all my weird thoughts and feelings. There are times when we would talk to each other everyday, almost every minute, but then he would usually vanish without any news at all for several months before coming back just like nothing had happened.

I just hate the fact that I always end up being the one who hurts the most, missing him more than I should although he was the one who started it. Isn’t he supposed to be the one who suffer more? HAHA petty I know. This cycle has repeated itself for so many times that I actually want to prepare myself this time now that I know the pattern.

If you have ever experienced this, ask this set of questions to yourself whenever you find your heart starting to catch feelings for this unreliable human being.

1. Can you see yourself being with this person in the future? Does his plans, core values and principles align with yours? Or at least can you see yourself being part of the future he envisioned?
2. Are you willing to introduce him to your friends and family? Are you confident enough to tell them that he would be the one whom you’d spend your future with?
3. Lastly, do you like yourself when you’re around him?

Reminding myself of these points always bring my feet back to the ground. Although it is hard to detach myself from this ‘habit’, I always try to remember that I should respect myself more and that I deserve someone who would invest in me as much as I am willing to invest to someone that I love. Definitely not an easy task to do especially for someone like me who can easily misinterpret awe into love. HAHAHA.

Sorry for the long rant and blabbering, I wrote this post mainly just for me, but if you find this to be relatable to you I would be glad to hear all about it.

Cheers! 🙂

i like you

I like you.

I guess I like you a lot.

My mind keeps saying no, my mouth keeps forming sentences to convince me how incompatible we would be as a pair, but my heart keeps pulling me back to you.

I have tried so hard to stay away from you and your charm, but one word from you always shakes the wall that I have been trying hard to build over the years.

You come and go just like that; going away when there’s another girl and you conveniently come find me when she’s gone.

What am I to you? Probably just some kind of a cushion of comfort with whom you can get all the perks of having a girlfriend without having to commit to its title.

My friends who know me well would know how far off you are from what I imagined my future companion would be. Even my objective side would second that. But I just cannot seem to manage to say no to your invitations for some ice cream or late night strolls.

I would try to justify my choice by saying that I am just entertaining myself by fooling around with you although I know myself too well to realise how ridiculous that thought sounds. I know for sure that I will be deeply attached to you in no time, and my heart will break for the umpteenth time when you find another girl.

But oh well, what is life without a few drops of tears.

Keep Going!

These two words are written in my lock screen these days.

One of my tutors once said that your phone wallpaper represents the things that inspire you the most and I think lately I just need a reminder that I have to keep going.

Keep going to lectures, keep making models, keep writing essays, keep trying to smile and be positive, keep trying to stick to the schedule I made, keep trying to live healthier, etc etc.

Throughout my journey in University so far, I know now that within a semester, week 9 and 10 are the humps – just like Wednesdays. Exam period is around the corner, deadlines start to haunt you, final projects are coming and it is extremely easy to get lost and stressed during this period. I even bought myself a book about positive psychology a few weeks ago just to help me find some ways to elevate my constantly down mood.

And now I want to share the 3 interventions I learned that had been working on me (most of the time). Well because some bad days are just bad. HAHAHA.

1. Exercise
   • I just don’t know why, but exercising really helps me erase my bad thoughts. It’s just amazing how I could go down to the gym complaining, and finish happily. Well maybe not HAPPY but at least I feel refreshed. Just spend at least 30 minutes walking or running, and you’ll feel better. This also works even when you’re having your PMS or ‘.’!
   • 
2. Write 3 things you are grateful for that day
   • I am struggling in disciplining myself to do this everyday. Because sometimes you just forget or too tired to even take your cellphone that lies all the way there when you’re already snuggling with your pillow. But doing this really does make me feel better, because we are too accustomed to find ‘what went wrong’ instead of being grateful for the things that actually ‘went right’. So, doing this exercise would definitely train our brains to shift the focus: from only seeing the bad to finding blessings in everything.
   • 
3. Watch your favorite video or series
   • For me, this would be Gilmore Girls. I have been absolutely addicted to this series. I have re-watched the last three seasons of this series for about 4-5 times now (and this number is growing fast) just because I love watching Logan Huntzberger (Yes. I adore this character a little bit too much that I slowly memorize each and every one of his line). Watching Logan after a long day at Uni definitely help me take my mind off of the things I’m stressed at. Hence, I think you should always spare 1-2 hours doing the things that makes you happy everyday (including watching GG over and over again HAHAH).
   • 

I’m not saying that I always know what to do when I’m stressed or anything, I’m writing this post just to let you know that if you feel the same way that I do, you are not alone. I experience that too sometimes and these are the things I do that usually help me cope with my thoughts and anxiety. Because sometimes you just need a break.

However, don’t forget that doing these things will not finish your job. You still have to do them eventually.

In addition to this, there is one verse from the Bible that speaks to me these days, that is from Matthew 6:34.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

May all of us be strengthen in facing our worries.

Cheers! 🙂

 

 

8 Things I’d Tell My Past-Self

Right now, I’m kind of freaking out.

Because exam is coming and also because within less than three weeks, I’m going to turn 20.

Yea yea, big deal.

YES IT IS

It is a BIG no HUGE DEAL for me.

I mean, ever since I was younger, I have always been surrounded by older people. My brother’s friends, my parents’ acquaintance’s children, etc. and my mind subconsciously created this ‘ideal’ image of adults. Maybe Young Adults.

The ones who are composed, well dressed, intelligent, sociable, driven, and so on and so forth.

Well…

Now that I’m actually walking further from my teenage years, I could not help but to take a look at the person I have turned out to be.

And to be honest, I don’t feel like I have ticked all those criteria I mentioned of a ‘proper-20-something-people’. I am still confused of my life path, am still not sure if I had chosen the right degree, if I would ever have six pack and skinny legs, I feel like my mindset is not that of an adult YET. So basically, I am not ready.

But then again, as I’m getting ready to embrace my new age, things started to come across my mind. I thought of things I would like to do differently in my younger years now that I am older and what I would like to tell myself then to change the outcome of my future self. I know, this is so random and just weird. But I would like to share it in my blog.

1. Do not over think.Seriously. No use. Things would not turn out as expected, whether you’re prepared for them or not.
2. Things will not be awkward unless you feel awkward. So, just enjoy every moment. People are interesting. Learn from them. Don’t limit your circle just because you don’t want to feel exposed.
3. Do not be afraid of people’s judgement. Do more of what you feel like doing. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Being seen as a freak? Who cares!
4.  Learn as many skills as you can before going to college. Learn piano, guitar, English, French, Mandarin, anything! You have all the resources you need in your hometown. Use them wisely!
5. “Chill”. I know it could be hard sometimes to ‘let go’ of the things you cannot control (in this context, it’s school grades). But then again, your grades do not define you. Nobody cares about your high school grades when you’re in Uni.
6. Make as many friends as you can. Cherish every moment you have with your close friends with whom you enjoy spending time with. Because once you’re separated, you’d realize how hard it is to find such a close-knitted community.
7. Do not complain all the time. Just live it up!
8. Do not worry about things that are not yours to worry about in every moment. Just focus on the things you want to achieve. Never settle for the second best.

Hahaha. That’s it.

I wonder what would you say to your younger self if you could?

Cheers!

 

Orchestrated

So, today I went on a road trip (again) to the Great Ocean Road area.

However, this trip was very different from my past ones because I initiated it and hence, I was the one who drove the car.

Well, if you knew me at all, you’d understand how big this issue is for me. Because, although I have had my license since I was in high school, my parents had never really trust me to drive anything. In addition, after I moved to Melbourne, it became extremely rare for me to ride any car except during road trips or when my friend drop me off when it’s too late for me to walk or catch a tram. Therefore, I’m used to being questioned about my capability to drive and I really don’t blame anyone for that (due to my past records).

So, I translated my Indonesian license, rented a car and hit on the road to Teddy’s Lookout.

Let me tell you, I was very anxious about this trip because there’s no adults supervising me driving out of the town, my two friends did not have their license translated, and so many things could go wrong during the ride.

But there was not.

It’s like everything had been arranged so well so that we could enjoy this day. The weather, the food, the ride itself, and even all the events we thought as ‘accidents’ made me feel like someone had already prepared and directed our decisions throughout the trip.

I really cannot explain how overwhelmed I am to realize how blessed I am as a person because of this trip. Today was just too surreal for me, and I’m really glad to still be able to live.

🙂

Ta-Daaa!!

Hello!

For my short semester, I have chosen to take a psychology subject related to wellbeing and motivation. 

Frankly, I didn’t have any expectation or any idea of what this subject would be like. I just know that the main assessment would be essays and I like that because that means no group works or some sort for this course. HAHAHAH. I know, I’m really not into teamworks. I think things can be more time efficient if done alone rather than with so many people who don’t really want to contribute.

Anyway, the subject turned out to be very very fascinating. I learned about all these theories about positive psychology and how to increase my performance quality just by allowing myself to be more mindful and present in every moment.

One concept that I just love is the one illustrated in this comic strip.

In a glance, it might be just an ordinary pictures collaged together. However it reminds me that we cannot do everything perfectly.

Our plans can go wrong and people can disappoint us. But that is life!

All we can do is to say ‘Ta-Daaa’ to ourselves, appreciating the efforts we made to plan and do our best regardless of the results.

Literally, try saying “I failed! Ta-Daaa” out loud when you fall. As ridiculous as it may sound, it actually can allow you to broaden up your perspective about your failure, be more hopeful and less stressed. Such a fascinating study I know.

I guess that’s what I’m going to share today. Enjoy!

🙂

 

Should I or Should I Not

2 weeks from now, I’ll be going back to Melbourne for my summer school.

 

And oh the reluctance.

 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love living in Melbourne. But after spending 3 months in my hometown, I regained the feeling of comfort that I used to have. Here, I don’t need to take care of my own laundries, my food, and even transportation. In Melbourne, I literally have to live on my own, far from my high school friends whom I love so much and back with my relatively new family there. I love them too, but there are things and situations that I cannot comfortably share with them just because I know they don’t regard those things as important. Invisible boundaries are real.

Life goes on. Let’s move along.

Anyway, as the flight date is approaching, my survival instinct started to kick off more frequently. If I cannot bring my friends and family to Melbourne, then I need to find things to make me enjoy living abroad even more. So, I listed all the things I need to buy and bring back to Melbourne and arranged the time to buy them. I keep on telling myself to list down the ones I really NEED, and not the ones I WANT.

But you know, shopping is actually very tricky.

On one hand, I don’t want to fill my apartment with useless junks as it would be too hard for me to carry them back home once I’m finished with my studies. However on the other hand, I want to enjoy my life there and not just study all the time.

Hence, I ended up planning to buy things I want along with the things I need. I kept on telling myself that this is good, because now that I have spent so much money on things to bring back, I could restrain myself from shopping too much in Melbourne later.

Well.

To be honest, I know exactly how that plan will end.

Hehehe.

Whatever.

I guess I will just need to do what makes me comfortable and figure out the rest later.

Sorry for this short and insignificant post, I promise to write a more enjoyable piece next time (hopefully). 🙂

Have a great week!

 

5 Fool-proofed Baking Recipes

Hello, people!

I have a lot of hobbies.

Yep.

Well, maybe not hobbies, but I have a number of things I love to do when I’m bored. I knit, I draw, I play music, I read books, I watch movies, I cook, I do yoga, I make crafts and things, and recently I also bake.

I don’t have oven in my house in Indonesia. So, I just found out that I love measuring ingredients, punching dough and waiting for them to get cooked when I moved to Melbourne. I always have access to oven here and I can just make anything I want.

The drawback of this hobby however, is the expensive pricing of the tools and special ingredients (oh, college life..). Nonetheless, you don’t have to buy all the equipment all at once. Just buy what you need for the recipe you are making and eventually you will complete the collection. Hehehe.

Today, I want to share some of the recipes I found in the internet which I have tried and found quite good. I am no professional baker. So  if I can make these, you can too!

1. Indonesian Pineapple-filled Cookies (Nastar)
   • This is my ultimate favorite snack ever since I was a little kid. Hence, I really love how the recipe in this blog helped me make these babies easily with its clear directions and explanations. (PS: Here is my little secret; nastar, oreo, and nissin’s crispy crackers are my kryptonites. I will definitely munch them off no matter how fat or how full I am within less than 30 minutes).
2. White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake Cookies
   • Yep. I don’t think anyone can ever go wrong with these ingredients. The taste is fabulous and you will never regret gaining some pounds for eating them.
3. White Chocolate Matcha Cookies
   • I baked this for my church event last year and my friends could not stop eating them. They just loved it and I earned so many compliments for this. HAHAHA. Such a good feeling indeed. You should try it too!
4. Japanese Melon Pan
   • Careful, this does not really taste like or include any MELON fruit, but it’s called so and we just have to deal with it. Hehehe. I tried making this once and I just love how easy and simple this recipe is (apparently).
5. Easy Tiramisu
   • Not really a big fan of coffee, but this tiramisu is just perfect and super easy to make. This one does not even require an oven. 

SO, I hope you can give them a try and be amazed of how amazingly talented you are in baking! 🙂

Have a sweet day, everyone! ❤

Water Pasta! Wait, whaaat…?

Hello, you!

I like cooking. Well, I think I developed my fondness as I had no choice but to cook here in Melbourne. Anyway, Pasta has been one of my favorite dishes of all time. Although this Italian food is seen as quite ‘fancy’ in Indonesia, that is not the case in Melbourne. People eat it all the time and now I just get used to eating (and cooking) it as well. HAHAH.

Today I think I will just share one of my favorite pasta recipe. The one recipe I always relies on whenever I feel too lazy to come out of my house. This recipe is definitely perfect for you who are currently living abroad or away from home like me. Since, let’s face it, we would not be bothered to cook at our parent’s home right?

Anyway, this pasta recipe has saved me from numerous starvation episodes as it only takes about 8 minutes to make and the ingredients are so cheap and common that you’d probably already have it in your kitchen at this very moment (I know right?!). Let’s just get on to it then.

Ingredients:

• Any type of pasta you prefer. Ever since I got here, I have tried different types of pasta (bow tie, linguine, fettuccine, spaghetti, etc). But my definite preference is the Shell shaped one. But you can just use whichever type you like since they basically taste the same just with different texture and shape.
• Indonesian Chili Sauce (Belibis preferably, or maybe ABC, or any other familiar brand?)
• Kewpie Mayonnaise or any other mayonnaise.
• Spam or Corned Beef
• Cheese! IMPORTANT!
• Butter (Salted or not does not really matter)
• Chopped Red Onion
• Salt
• Pepper
• Garlic Powder
• Pepper Flakes (If you want a really good one, buy Boncabe. It is also an Indonesian branded seasoning which you can find in any Asian grocery around you (maybe) :))
• Water

SO, this is how you make it:

1. Firstly, you cook the pasta according to the instructions stated on the back of the packaging. But generally, you boil water with your saucer, then you put in the pasta (the amount is up to you, but usually I just put like one and a half cup for one serving). It would be better if you drizzle some olive oil inside the boiling water as it would help the pasta not to stick to each other when they’re done.
2. After that, you just wait until the pasta become softer for about 7 minutes.
3. While waiting for your pasta to be cooked, chop down a quarter of the red onion (I’m talking about the huge red onion and not the shallots you usually find in Indonesia).
4. Also, chop down the spam into the size you like. Just cut 3 average slices of the big sized spam (that’s quite a lot already). But of course, just add more if you like 🙂
5. Grate the cheese and take about 1/2 cup of it, put it on a bowl.
6. Add in the seasonings (Salt, Pepper, Chili Flakes, Garlic Powder) into the cheese bowl  in the amount that suits your preference. Some may like it more spicy or saltier, so you just adjust the combination. Just make sure you don’t add too much or too little.
7. Then, melt down half table spoon of butter on separate pan.
8. Put in the chopped onion and stir it through until the pieces become translucent and fragrant.
9. Add in the chopped spam. Stir around together with the onion until you know it is crisp enough and not raw.
10. Afterwards, pour in 3/4 cup of water to the pan.
11. Add 1 table spoon of the chili sauce, and 1 table spoon of mayonnaise to the ham+water soup. Stir until well mixed.
12. Wait until the water is bubbling, then pour down the seasoned cheese mixture to your pan and stir it well until the cheese melts and become well combined with the water.
13. Now, I hope the pasta is cooked as the whole chopping process should’ve taken about 5 minutes 🙂
14. Drain the pasta, and put it on the sauce mixture. Stir it well.
15. Move the pasta to the same bowl you used to contain the cheese and now you’re ready to eat it! WOOHOO!

Yeah! The idea of this recipe is to make it spontaneously, only when you want to eat it. Don’t make too much and store it on refrigerator. Because it would not taste the same. Trust me. Hehehe. This recipe is super easy and you should definitely try it sometimes. Unfortunately, I don’t have any picture of this dish in my phone at the moment. But I promise to post it here once I cook it again. YAY!

I hope this recipe helps. It is cheap and easy, and definitely healthier than instant noodles. 🙂

Cheers!